Doors and locks

I haven’t changed the locks. I tell people its too much of a bother and how my landlord would kill…


May 17, 2011

I haven’t changed the locks. I tell people its too much of a bother and how my landlord would kill me if I changed his fancy locks imported from some unrecognizable part of the world. The truth is i fear you may think of me someday and head on home. I think of all the times I have lost my keys and the helpless feeling of having a locked door between me and my dreams. I want to save you that pain. If you are bothered about the locks on my heart, I am pleased to tell you they haven’t changed either. There are no spare keys there. You have the originals and only key.

I am such a miserable person. I know the exact number of hours you have been gone and I know that its high time I moved on. Its so annoying when all these people tell me I can do so much better. I know they mean well but sometimes silence is the best thing to contribute to a broken heart. Amina came by the other day and bundled me out of the house and we drove past your new place. The plan was a drive-by…you know like all those gang movies we watched together! A drive-by hurling of insults, a drive-by kidnapping, a drive-by hello. By the time we made it to two blocks before your place, I had curled up in the backseat. Too afraid I would see you and die all over again.

I was reading the Bible the other day and I stumbled on Adam AND Eve…Lucky devils! I wish we were stuck with each other like that. Two choice-less humans, the world their oyster…love would have been the easiest hurdle to cross. The doorbell rings and I almost drop the bowl of ice cream I am drowning my sorrows in. My heart skips a beat at the thought that it might be you. I scold myself for almost running to the door. I walk as slowly as I can. I even practice the catwalk…I do my breathing practice and finally I open the door all the while thinking ‘he has the keys, why would he ring the bell?’

He is standing on my doorstep. 6 feet of chocolate goodness. I blink faster than remote controlled dolls. ‘Hi I am your new neighbor!’ He says. I stumble against the flower pot and am falling. He catches me before I hit the concrete. We start laughing and he steadies me. When I am brave enough to look him in the eye, I will tell him how good it felt to feel his arms around me.

For now, its time to think about changing those locks.

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