My friend asked me yesterday if i was happy.. He knows me better than most people. He has known me since i was 12. I thought about that question for a moment and answered “i think happiness is ongoing…a journey…not a destination…i am on the right path. i love you for asking…”
Most people assume that i am happy because lately its been uphill all the way…i have nothing to complain about. In fact i have every thing to be grateful for…But ‘happiness’???
I am on the right path…
The walls did this to us.
Even as I left it all behind today, I could not bring myself to look beyond the walls and knock on his door to say goodbye. I had to rely on a phone! I let mere walls get in between something as simple as a goodbye.
Those goddamn little things that get in the way of everything. It is easy to blame it all on something as solid as a wall. Walls can take it but we both know that the walls were just one part to a three-pronged tale. The phones are as guilty as the walls could ever be.
It is phones that harbor the text messages from the other women in his life. It is phones that ring endlessly and cut short whatever little time we try to spend with each other. It is these same phones he can’t stop looking at, forever hoping that some call would come through and save him from having to meet my eyes from across the dinner table. It is phones that interrupt the comfortable silence of our lives and turn it into a circus where we make pretend that everything is alright.
There was a time we didn’t care about phones and walls. It used to be just him, me and a room with four walls that kept the rest of the world away.
It used to be just us with two phones that almost never rang.
We were happy but not content and soon the four walls in Surulere became a dozen in Lekki. Everything was fine but then the Nokia 3310s became i Phones, Blackberries and HTCs.
I have no idea where I am going but I keep driving east.
I need to get away from the walls that stand in between us. I can’t seem to get away from the phones but right now, I will take whatever small victories I can get!
From the passenger seat beside me, my phone stares silently at me. He should be sitting there, laughing in that way I love so much, teasing me aout my driving, loving me with his eyes…
I stop the car and get out. I walk until I am close enough to the water to see it ripple. It’s a lonely bridge this morning. I left before sunrise.
I clutch the phone in my hand and look to the east waiting for the sun to make its debut. The phone rings before I can the find the will to throw it into the abyss below me.
“I can break down these walls if you say Ok”, He says.
I hold the phone so tightly that my palm begins to hurt. I catch a glimpse of horizon as the sun begins its ascent.
“Ok” I say.
‘Ok’ he replies.
‘Ok’ I answer.
He hangs up and I walk back to my car – still clutching the phone.
The phones did this to us too…If he succeeds in breaking down the walls,it will just be one hurdle crossed. Who, what, will make the phones go away?
The sun is rising behind me.
Song of the day: Michelle Branch – Are you happy now?