I woke up before the sun today. I laid in bed and waited for it to rise. It felt great lying in my bed, knowing that I beat the sun to it. It will be my only victory today as dawn brings with it the knowledge that even waking up before the sun will not stop her from leaving.
I hear her moving around in the other room. I can tell she is gathering her things together. I can feel her frustration as she packs. She hates to pack. I see her biting her nails as she looks around the room to make sure she has forgotten nothing. I close my eyes and hope she realizes the most important thing will never fit into her luggage.
I want to hold her. I want to steady her hands and kiss them and tell her we will be alright. I want to go on my knees and ask her to give us a second try. Instead, I lie in my bed and listen from behind the walls.
My phone rings. No caller Id. I answer.
“It’s me” she says. I ask myself how it got this bad, that even with mere walls between us, we have to resort to technology to reach out to each other.
“Ok” I say.
She hesitates before responding “Ok”.
“Ok” I say again in reply.
She breathes in loudly and I can hear her pacing back and forth in the next room. I can almost picture it. She will be wearing sneakers for comfort as she always does. Her hair will be pulled back from her face so she won’t have to keep putting it back in place. She will be wearing no make up. Probably no jewelry either. Her face will be scrunched up as she thinks of what else there is left to say.
“Ok” she says again and hangs up. I am still lying in my bed. She opens the door to her room. I can hear every footstep. I can feel the weight of her luggage as she struggles with it. I want to run to her. I want to snatch the bags out of her hands. I want to whisper “Ok” into her ears without the help of some damned phone. I want to beg her to take me along.
I stay where I am until I hear the car engine start. I am still on the bed as she drives away. By the time I make it out of bed, there is no physical trace left of her. She might as well have been a ghost.
Sadly, ghosts do not break hearts. They are uninhibited by walls. The walls did this to us. We are very much human.
The sun is yet to rise.
P.s this is a series, a work in progress…there are walls within walls…
Song of the day: Phil Collins- Separate Lives