I didn’t like Hammed Ajiboye. He infuriated me. He had opinions that I thought were uneducated. He argued blindly. He seemed to have more spirit that his frail body could handle.

He was a lot like me.

One time, he made a statement about the experiences of African Americans due to slavery and I was so mad at him that I gave up. How dare he talk about something he knew zero about? He had never even been to Obodo Ghana; how was he talking so confidently about the country I loved most in the world? In my rage, I unfollowed him in Twitter and would have blocked him but Jesus was working on my trigger happy fingers at that time. He still is.

Hammed reached out a couple of times after that but I ignored him with all the arrogance my 5ft 3In length could muster. He even went on my blog and made a public apology. I responded rudely and continued not to have anything to do with him.

Eloho, an angel  who has deigned to live amongst us humans, kept me updated on his health struggles. It made me angry every time she told me he had had a crisis. This time though my anger was at everything and everyone else except Hammed. Nigeria, a mother that sits with its legs crossed, unconcerned as its children suffer and die; the people around him that couldn’t do anything to make life better for this kid that wanted so much more out of life; the doctors and hospitals that were ill-equipped to manage the situation; myself because I was becoming numb, numb to his pain, numb to his suffering.

I prayed for him one or two times. Maybe a little more but I will be honest it wasn’t much and it wasn’t with the intensity the matter needed. He died almost a year ago. I don’t even know the exact date.

I didn’t love Hammed enough. I didn’t deserve the respect or admiration with which he related with me. I didn’t deserve his friendship or his patience. We, this world, we didn’t deserve Hammed.

I hate clichés but I know Hammed is in a better place. Far better than I can imagine. Where there are no rude unforgiving people like me. Where no one is criticizing his every move but angels are there to guide his every step. Where his body is so strong he can move mountains with his tiny finger. Where he is loved in a way none of us could have managed to love him.

I didn’t like Hammed. I am learning to forgive myself for letting this stand in the way of loving him.

Maybe there is someone around you that annoys you greatly like Hammed did me. Maybe they are even millions of miles away from you but they still manage to irritate you sometimes.

Love them. Don’t give up on them. Don’t wait till they are what you want them to be.. Love them if they stay the same. Love them if they never change. Love them anyway.

God put us on this earth for one thing. To please Him. I am not the wisest old woman alive but I have learned in these few years that nothing, nothing pleases God than when you love Him and love His children. Think about it. Have you seen the smile on a mother’s face when you give her children a gift? Or a Dad when you help his little one? We can never do enough for God’s children but let us be able to say that at least we gave it our best shot.

So here is how you mourn someone you don’t like. Give it time. Then write them a letter and mail it to heaven.

Hello Hammed. It might not seem like it but know that the world is a little less brighter since your star went up a little higher. Keep shining.


Song of the day: Meghan Trainor – Like I am gonna lose you

  • Forgiveness
  • Friendship
  • God
  • Simi Vijay

3 thoughts on "How to Mourn Someone You Don’t Like"

  • “So here is how you mourn someone you don’t like. Give it time. Then write them a letter and mail it to heaven”
    True words…
    Loving someone we don’t like is the truest form of love

  • I came back to catch up on a backlog of posts and found this.
    Truth be told! I loved Hammed Ajiboye, he was a difficult person to love Kiah. But I loved him, we were in one kain of relationship, the kind where he told me I was never good enough to be his friend, that I didn’t deserve love. I wasn’t smart enough and all my writings were rubbish. Even after kind people like Michael and Emeka Nobis had told me to ignore it, but I couldn’t, I didn’t forgive him, I couldn’t forgive him but I loved him. I guess saying I loved him is more of an apology for saying I couldn’t forgive him. I hope he is in a better place now. And yes my writing got better hammed.

    • Wow…i am so sorry he said that to you. I am sure he didn’t mean it. And yes your writing will get better and better. Keep reading, keep writing…

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